Tinkle facial

Only a day has passed since we learned that Donald Trump might, possibly, could have been involved in an incident involving prostitutes, their urine, and a hotel bed. Part of me hopes it’s true. I’d feel a little better knowing that someone, somewhere pissed on Trump. But most of me hopes it’s not true. Nothing would make me feel better than a false, unsubstantiated rumor clinging to Trump’s presidency like dry, crusted urine clings to my underwear. After all, this is a man who loves spreading unsubstantiated rumors more than he loves prostitutes urinating all over him.  (I’m not saying that Trump loves prostitutes urinating all over him.  But many people have said that he does.)

Trump, of course, has responded to these allegations with the typical calm, measured response that has become his forte. Or not. Definitely not.

This point would look slightly less insane if it weren’t partially in all capital letters. But only slightly.

Is there someone out there who believed that Russia had compiled damaging information about Trump for the purposes of blackmail, but then heard that Russia had denied doing so, and thought, “well, I guess that resolves this.” And does Trump really believe his supporters are that stupid? (Oh. Yeah. Got it.)

He used the word “leak” and the phrase “one last shot at me” just to fuck with us, right? Right? If so, hat tip. Respect.

Setting that aside, the Nazi Germany reference is insane, even for Trump.  No one reflects on Nazi Germany and says, “man, those fucking Nazi intelligence agencies really fucked over their leader. So unfair!” Also, in his analogy, isn’t Trump, Hitler?

You did not win the election easily. You won thanks to a pernicious combination of Russian hacking, our outdated electoral college system, voter-suppression tactics, and James Comey. Prick. (I do appreciate, though, the use of irony quotation marks around “movement.”)

Finally, I don’t get his claim that these stories somehow “belittle” him or his victory.  Even if the most sordid allegations are true, I can’t imagine anyone’s opinion of him changing. This is a person who was literally caught on tape bragging about sexual assault. If people are not bothered by a rapist, they will not be bothered by a sexual deviant who likes the occasional tinkle facial.



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