There has been a lot of speculation concerning why Melania plans to stay in NYC rather than move into the White House with The Donald. I always thought the answer was obvious: she can’t fucking stand him. You know. Because of his personality. And his looks.
But something occurred to me the other day while reading a story about sanctuary cities. What if Melania fears that President Grab-Her-By-The-Pussy wants to deport her and she doesn’t want to leave NYC because it’s a sanctuary city?
Crazy, you say? Maybe. Maybe. Or maybe not. Let’s review the evidence.
We know that Trump treats his marriage vows like he treats Russian hotel beds. We also know that he divorced his prior wives before they turned 50. And we know that Melania is 47. That means she’s on the chopping block.
I can also assure you through personal experience that there is no better way to end a relationship than to get the other person deported. None. Works every single time.
But how could Trump get Melania deported? Good question.
Several months ago, it came out that Melania likely lied to immigration authorities when she entered the United States on a visitor’s visa and then worked as a model. That’s a big no-no. Several years after she lied, Melania became a legal permanent resident and then naturalized. With me so far? Okay. When Melania naturalized, she filled out a form that asked her if she had “ever lied to any U.S. Government officials to gain entry or admission into the United States?” Now, Melania almost certainly answered “no”—indeed, about four months ago, she was still claiming that she had never worked on a visitor’s visa. Do you know what can happen to someone who lies on their naturalization application? Yup, that’s right: de-naturalization and removal.
Yes. It is true. Melania is the Trump University of people.
This has almost certainly not escaped the notice of Our Dear Leader (or, as he is affectionately called around the White House, “Steve Bannon’s companion animal.”) After all, Trump has shown himself to be particularly adept at ferreting out immigration fraud. For example, remember that time he conclusively proved that Barack Obama had lied about being a U.S. citizen:
I can’t imagine, then, that he doesn’t realize that his own wife is (gasp) an illegal alien.
Trump has also been sending subtle signals that he’s after Melania. Look what he tweeted just yesterday:
And “others.” Others like, I don’t know, wives approaching 50?
Am I sure that Trump plans to deport Melania? Do I know beyond all doubt that she’s staying in NYC because it is a sanctuary city? Did I get a former girlfriend deported? Yes. Yes. And yes. Twice.
Keep safe, Melania. Know your rights.