Forrest Trump—Tear down this so-called wall, so we can make a bigger one!

Bill O’Reilly interviewed President Grab-Her-By-The-Pussy yesterday. It was the standard Trump interview. Lots of insane things were said, like Trump’s claim that the United States is full of killers, which makes us no better than Putin. (?) Trump also repeated that he was against the war in Iraq from the beginning. Which is like when I told people in college that I had lost my virginity in high school. #alternativefacts

Anyway, Trump also briefly discussed the wall he wants to build along our border with Mexico. And that got me thinking. What if Trump had given Reagan’s famous, “Tear down this wall speech”? Continue reading “Forrest Trump—Tear down this so-called wall, so we can make a bigger one!”


“I’m like a smart person.”

A day after reading a prepared speech in which he managed to use a number of big words, Trump gave a speech to the CIA.

Did anyone give him prepared remarks to read this time? Here’s how he began:

Well. I want to thank everybody. Very, very special people. And it is true: this is my first stop. Officially. We’re not talking about the balls, and we’re not talking about even the speeches. Although, they did treat me nicely on that speech yesterday [laughter].

Overuse of adverbs? Check. Lots of incoherent clauses? Yup. Reflect the mind of a narcissist? For sure. Give a warning about “not talking about the balls”? Unfortunately, yes. I’m going to say these are Trump’s own words.

I’m impressed, though, that he didn’t immediately whine about the media.

I wonder what he said next?

Before doing that, I’ll just drink some water. 

I always call them “the dishonest media,” but they treated me nicely.

Imagine being on top of the world. Imagine being on top of the world despite having no discernible skills or abilities. Imagine having an unshakable belief in yourself despite having no discernible skills or abilities. Imagine proving all of your haters wrong. And then imagine, despite all of that, still not being able to let go of your petty disputes. Now imagine prostitutes pissing all over you in a hotel room.

I forget where I was going with this. But I’m sure my point (whatever it was) has been made.

But, I want to say that there is nobody that feels stronger about the Intelligence Community and the CIA than Donald Trump. [applause]. There’s Nobody. Nobody.

Yes, much like there’s nobody “who respects women more.”

And I want to just let you know: I am so behind you. And I know, maybe sometimes, you haven’t gotten the backing that you’ve wanted.

True. Just ten days ago the president called them Nazis. It is hard to get less backing than that.

And you’re going to get so much backing. Maybe you’re going to say “please don’t give us so much backing”. [laughter] “Mr President, please, we don’t need that much backing”.But you’re going to have that. And I think everybody in this room knows it.

Nazis. You fucking called them Nazis. Ten days ago. Nazis.

Also, am I the only one who thought of this classic Office clip:

I am? Okay then.

Moving along.

And then they say: “is Donald Trump an intellectual?” Trust me. I’m like a smart person.

I’d be willing to bet that, in the history of the world, no smart person has ever said, “I’m like a smart person.” (And what does it mean to be “like” a smart person?) I’d also be willing to bet that, in the history of the world, no smart person has ever called Donald Trump “an intellectual,” unless it was followed by a deep, Jabba the Hut like laugh.

Also, to be fair, I clipped that quote from its context. But, to be even more fair, the context does not help.

And the generals are wonderful and the fighting is wonderful. But if you give them the right direction? Boy does the fighting become easier. And boy do we lose so fewer lives, and win so … quickly.

And that’s what we have to do. We have to start winning again.

Isn’t taking military advice from a draft dodger like taking job advice from someone pursuing a philosophy degree? What possible insight could Trump have about military strategy? He has no military training and, by his own admission, he’s (at best!) “like” a smart person.

And [the media] sort of made it sound like I had a feud with the Intelligence Community. And I just want to let you know, the reason you’re the number 1 stop is exactly the opposite. Exactly. And they understand that too.

I wonder why the media would make it sound like that?


And I turn on [my TV], with my steak … and I get this network shows an empty field. And it said we drew 250,000 people.

Now that’s not bad. But it’s a lie. We had 250,000 people literally around, you know, the little bowl that we constructed. That was 250,000 people. The rest of the 20 block area all the way back to the Washington Monument was packed.

I know she said I had a small penis. But it was a huge penis. I poked her eye out when she walked through the door. It was that big. #alternativefacts

Am I doing this right?