Forrest Trump—Tear down this so-called wall, so we can make a bigger one!

Bill O’Reilly interviewed President Grab-Her-By-The-Pussy yesterday. It was the standard Trump interview. Lots of insane things were said, like Trump’s claim that the United States is full of killers, which makes us no better than Putin. (?) Trump also repeated that he was against the war in Iraq from the beginning. Which is like when I told people in college that I had lost my virginity in high school. #alternativefacts

Anyway, Trump also briefly discussed the wall he wants to build along our border with Mexico. And that got me thinking. What if Trump had given Reagan’s famous, “Tear down this wall speech”? Continue reading “Forrest Trump—Tear down this so-called wall, so we can make a bigger one!”


Forrest Trump—the Gettysburg Address

Trump gave a short speech at the White House to celebrate Black History month—or, as he calls it, “Inner City Month.” He gave the speech surrounded by literally every single black person he knows, except for Kanye.

A rare color photograph of Uncle Tom’s Cabin.

Now, I can’t say I’m an expert on Black History Month. Or presidential speeches. But I’m confident that Trump’s speech was the worst fucking speech ever given to kick off Black History Month. The worst. Remember that speech he gave to the CIA? The one where he whined like a toddler about the media in front of the CIA Memorial Wall? Where he told us to “trust” him because he’s “like a smart person”? Yeah, that one was better. And I was fucking embarrassed to be human after I read that one. This one left me feeling like a large asteroid hitting the earth would let us off too light. It would be disrespectful to the dinosaurs. We deserve worse.

Continue reading “Forrest Trump—the Gettysburg Address”