Forrest Trump—Tear down this so-called wall, so we can make a bigger one!

Bill O’Reilly interviewed President Grab-Her-By-The-Pussy yesterday. It was the standard Trump interview. Lots of insane things were said, like Trump’s claim that the United States is full of killers, which makes us no better than Putin. (?) Trump also repeated that he was against the war in Iraq from the beginning. Which is like when I told people in college that I had lost my virginity in high school. #alternativefacts

Anyway, Trump also briefly discussed the wall he wants to build along our border with Mexico. And that got me thinking. What if Trump had given Reagan’s famous, “Tear down this wall speech”? Continue reading “Forrest Trump—Tear down this so-called wall, so we can make a bigger one!”

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“I start off trusting both”

The Times of London interviewed Trump. It was sad and depressing and scary.

The interview focused on foreign affairs, the type of affair with which Trump has the least familiarity. The interview merely highlighted Trump’s stupidity and shallowness. I don’t think he’s capable of having a sophisticated thought. Perhaps his toupee is strangling his brain. I don’t know. But what I do know is that he never manages to say anything that makes you think he’s a sentient being

Take his response to a question about why he thought “Brexit happened.” Here’s how he begins his response:

People don’t want to have other people coming in and destroying their country and you know in this country we’re gonna go very strong borders from the day I get in. One of the first orders I’m gonna sign – day one – which I will consider to be Monday as opposed to Friday or Saturday. Right? I mean my day one is gonna be Monday because I don’t want to be signing and get it mixed up with lots of celebration, but one of the first orders we’re gonna be signing is gonna be strong borders.

He literally couldn’t finish the first sentence of his response without veering off, like a shopping cart with a busted wheel. And it’s not like he redirected the conversation to a safer topic. Instead, he changed the topic to his confession that he would get confused if he celebrated and signed his name on a document on a single day. Signing your name. And celebrating. In a 24-hour period. Too confusing.

The rest of the interview was equally insightful. For example, he was asked “do you trust the European currency?” You would think a business person has something coherent to say about this topic. But you would be wrong. Very, very wrong:

Well, it’s doing OK. I mean, you know. What do you trust? I trust the dollar, I’m gonna trust the dollar a lot more in four years than I do now, but sure I mean it’s a currency, it’s fine. But I do think keeping it together is not gonna be as easy as a lot of people think. And I think this, if refugees keep pouring into different part of Europe. I think it’s gonna be very hard to keep it together cause people are angry about it.

And that’s it. That’s his entire response. What does any of that even mean? A drunk infant could provide more insight.

He couldn’t even answer simple questions, like “How is being president going to change how you operate?” Think of the millions of ways his life will be different now that he’s president.

Just take a moment.

You’ve now put more thought into how Trump’s life will change than he has. Because this is his response:

Ya know this is a very, very big change — I led a very nice life and ya know successful and good and nice and this is a lot different — but ya know my attitude on that is when you’re president, you’re in the White House which is a very special place — you’re there for a limited period of time — who wants to leave? Like I’ve liked President Obama, he’s been very nice, yeah he’s been nice one on one, but maybe not so nice in other ways — but who wants to leave the White House to go to some other place and be away on a vacation? The White House is very special, there’s so much work to be done, I’m not gonna be leaving much — I mean a lot of work to be done — I’m gonna be in there working, doing what I’m supposed to be doing — but who wants to leave the White House?

???????

It’s like he’s having a stroke in slow motion. He can’t complete a single sentence in which the beginning and end of the sentence concern the same thing.

Apart from generally sounding like an ignorant buffoon, it wouldn’t be a Trump interview if he didn’t say something that was insane. And this interview was no exception. When asked who he trusted more Merkel or Putin, Trump did not say, “obviously the one who didn’t attempt to interfere in our nation’s election,” even though that is the only conceivable correct answer. Instead, he said:

Well, I start off trusting both — but let’s see how long that lasts. It may not last long at all.

In other words, despite the fact that Trump acknowledges that Putin likely attempted to influence the presidential election, he trusts Putin, just like he trusts Merkel. What more does Putin need to do to prove to Trump that he shouldn’t be trusted?

It also wouldn’t be a Trump interview if he didn’t find time to dispute that he had hired prostitutes to urinate on him in a hotel bed:

When I just heard it — I ripped up the mat . . . if I did that in a hotel it’d be the biggest thing — they’d have me on the front page of The New York Post, right? And the other thing, I can’t even, I don’t even want to shake hands with people now I hear about this stuff — ugh.

It seems to me the “it couldn’t have happened because it didn’t appear in the newspaper” defense is not particularly compelling.

Cop: I’m here to question you about a murder.

Fred: I didn’t kill anyone, and I’ll prove it.

Fred dramatically pulls out newspaper and slowly scans each page.

Fred: I’M NOWHERE IN HERE

Cop: My apologies.

It’s going to be a long four years.

-Fred